It's the Beamer's birthday. For the past 12 years I've been trying to learn what my son is trying to teach me. This is what I've figured out so far.
Grocery shopping
1. Approach each day with delight. Greet everyone with a smile and an open heart. With this you will attract kind, generous, good people. As soon as the Beamer wakes up in the morning he's smiling. Like he can't believe his good fortune. Like he expects only good things to be waiting for him. A trip to the grocery store isn't a boring chore. It's an opportunity to check out the goods in other people's carts, try raw potatoes and bananas with their skins on, eye the oh so interesting bottles and jars on the shelves.
The Beamer in the bath
2. Be present in the moment. This way you get the full experience of whatever you're in and you don't miss any good stuff by being preoccupied with other stuff. Like when the Beamer has a bath. I know he is savouring every wonderful second in the tub. The water is lovely and warm. The bath toys are beyond expectation.
You never know when someone's going to pull the plug.
The Beamer, the Daughter, and Scarlett
3. When someone does something mean it might not be because the person is rude or doesn't like me or is angry. It could be that this person just really wants my attention and can't figure out a better way to get it. Scarlett, the Beamer's 8 year old cousin, suggests that this is what's going on when the Beamer pulls her hair.
4. Talk less. Say more. The Beamer doesn't talk. But when his brow gets a little furrow in it we all know that something is causing him consternation: I need you. A sparkle in his eyes: I love you. Hone it down to the essentials. That's all you really need to get by.
The Daughter made a surprise visit home from university for the weekend to celebrate her brother's birthday. We all knew what he was thinking when he wrapped his arms around her head and went cheek to cheek: Ahhh...there you are! I was wondering where you'd been?! All is now right in the world.
The Hubby and I went out with Gabby and Matthew on one of their first official dates oh so many years ago. Gabby was (and still is!) quite a few years younger than Matthew so initially we weren't sure how this pairing would work out. On "our" first date, we went to see Sinead O'Connor in concert at the Grandstand and afterward rode The Flyer at the Ex.
I tease Gabby about the time at one of my birthday dinners where the question was posed "what of your possessions best symbolizes your age?". People offered up their reading glasses, their warm but unfashionable winter boots, their ride-on snow blower, etc. Typical middle-aged things. Gabby, being younger than most, tells what to her is a sad story of her advancing age in that she now has two bikinis, her regular one and also one that she wears on "fat" days. Seriously?!
Over the years we've bonded over art, Minis, and lighting. Matthew and I have ooh'd and ahh'd over desserts. The profiteroles at Mildred's Temple Kitchen are filled with ice cream and are delicious. Tonight he's brought a new flavour of Haagen Dazs ice cream that he's discovered. Half-the-fat lemon ice cream. It's my new favourite (although I still do love Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream). It's rich and silky with a tart lemon flavour and only half the fat...how good is that?!
We have shared many meals over the years. Gabby has been vegetarian since before we've known each other and eats really healthily. They protected their kids, who are teenagers now, from fast food and it was only recently that they discovered Kraft Dinner. They couldn't believe their parents were keeping such delicious food a secret!
For dinner I make a Roasted Cauliflower Soup. Roasting the cauliflower brings out its sweetness. The recipe also calls for home made croutons and chive oil. That's too fussy for me so I skip the croutons and buy a basil oil to drizzle on the soup.
Another love we share with Matthew and Gabby is for wine. We inform each other of ones that we consider good value. We buy coveted bottles in bulk and share them.
Tonight with hors d'oeuvres the Hubby opens a 2005 Chateau Montelena Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa. I don't even get a chance to taste it because by the time I'm ready for it the 3 of them have finished the bottle! With dinner we have a vertical tasting of a 1997 and 1998 Biondi-Santi Brunello di Montalcino. The Hubby bought the Brunellos a couple of years ago when we were in Venice. He's not hugely impressed with either.
And this is the thing about wine. Wine collecting is about love and loss, to which most things in life are related. On average, one in 15 bottles is corked. You can pay a lot of money for a wine, protect it in your cellar for years and, drum roll please, finally open it to find it's corked. But even worse is the bottle that you've nurtured and coddled for years and you finally open it and it's perfect! Then what?! You drink it and it's gone! Done. Finito. Many years ago my dad gave the Hubby a 1986 Chateau Margaux. My dad had bought it several years earlier, had kept it in his cellar, and then gave it to the Hubby to honour what my dad considers the Hubby's "gem"-like qualities (don't get me started!). The Chateau Margaux had pride of place in the Hubby's cellar for years until about a year or so ago when he opened it and shared it with my dad and me and a few others. An almost 25 year old wine that had been loved and cared for and talked about by both my dad and the Hubby. Enjoyed, briefly, but now gone! The Hubby didn't even want to keep the bottle as a memento. His heart must be made of stone. Yes you still have your memories of the taste, you have the experience of anticipation...blah blah blah...! All I know is I'm still obviously mourning its disappearance from the cellar.
Love and loss. That's what it's all about. Can I have some more of that lemon ice cream please?!
