Manspeak

During the 5th inning of the Jays game against the Yankees last night, the Hubby says the following to me:

"Good pitch to put the green light on. Pitcher walked the sacks full. Sacks are juiced. We need a 3 run jack."

Manspeaker

Who talks like this?! Not women. This is what I call Manspeak. Not to be confused with M.A.S. Male Answer Syndrome. The Hubby unfortunately has both afflictions. Ask him a question, ANY question,  and he will give you an answer. The only answer he doesn't give is "I don't know".

It's a mystery how one learns Manspeak. According to the Hubby, ALL men know it. Is it taught in some School of Manly Languages somewhere? Can you take the course online? Have you ever seen a Manspeak dictionary? No. Men just know it. Maybe they're born with it. Maybe it's attached to the Y chromosome. 



The previous night the Yankees pitcher got tonged on. Is this good? Is this bad? Only the Hubby and the rest of his sex know for sure.

The Hubby gives me little quizzes throughout the game. If someone strikes out (or gets a "K" in Manspeak) on his first at bat, sac flies on his second, and doubles on his third, what is his ratio of hits to at bats? (The answer is: One for two with a sac fly)


The little kid sitting next to me and his little friend next to him are vigorously shaking their bottles of pop. Sweetie, when you open that bottle please point it THAT way toward your dad who's too busy trying to figure out what a "jack" is to properly supervise you and your drinking habits. (Note to the Pop-Shaker's Dad: it means tater, long ball, round tripper, home run)








We are entertained by not one but by 2 streakers at 2 different times. Racing across the outfield with Rogers Centre security staff and police in hot pursuit. The crowd is cheering. One streaker's shoes fall off halfway across the field. Hello...did you think ahead about what are you going to do when you reach the other side? All that stands between you and freedom is a 20ft high wall! Can you guess if the streakers are men or women? I bet 100% of you get the answer right! (The answer, obviously, is: MEN)




The little kid sitting next to me and his little friend next to him are now throwing popcorn in the air and trying to catch it in their mouths. Little kids are VERY uncoordinated in this way. I end up with half his box of popcorn in my lap. Sweetie, maybe you should switch places with your dad so HE can sit next to me and I can help him figure out what "tonged on" means so that he's then free to pay proper attention to you and your eating habits. Where's your mom anyway? I need someone to talk to that I can understand.