I Was Meant to Be a Fat Person

What is the proper response to the statement: I was meant to be a fat person? Given the natural balance of the universe it doesn't make sense to me that you can't eat all the delicious things available without getting fat and unhealthy. Does it seem protective of our species to have all delicious things be ultimately bad for you? Does it seem biologically logical that fat makes everything taste good?

I have decided that when I am old I will eat whatever I want and not worry about getting fat. How wonderful would it be to eat slice after slice of warm just-baked bread slathered with butter and not have a worry about what it's doing to your body?

Gruyere sourdough, spelt, and fig walnut multigrain breads at the Wickaninnish Inn

Or eat ALL the desserts on the menu INSTEAD of vegetables and ask for EXTRA whip cream?

Local summer berries in the shortcake at RauDZ

We have just returned from a vacation in British Columbia.  The west coast is full of amazing restaurants: RauDZ Regional Table in Kelowna,

Flatbread with grilled asparagus, arugula, bacon lardons, brie, caramelized onions and rhubarb chutney at RauDZ

Shelter in Tofino, Blue Water Cafe in Vancouver where they make sablefish that literally melted in my mouth and where I had the best dessert ever of lemongrass creme brulee along with a tiny perfect carrot cake sitting in a sea of papaya salsa topped with a scoop of ginger ice cream.

Tuna appetizer at Shelter

At the Pointe restaurant at the Wickaninnish Inn in Tofino the dining room has a 240 degree view of the ocean and the food is delicious.

Pea ravioli with chanterelle mushrooms at Wickaninnish Inn

The only thing in my way was the annoyingly inadequate size of my stomach. And the nagging voice in my head predicting the dire outcome of eating yet more ice cream. I tried my best and actually did quite well. However now that I'm home it is time to diet. I hate to diet. I hate depriving myself of things that I want. Hence my statement: I was meant to be a fat person. BTW, the proper response is NOT: If you get fat I will divorce you! I'm sure when he said it that the Hubby was himself suffering from food-induced insanity. If he had been in a proper state of mind I'm certain he would have said "I'll join you!" or some variation on that theme. Until then, pass the celery please!

Zero Mile Dinner

We are in British Columbia and enjoying the west coast hospitality of the Hubby's cousin Michele and her hubby Marty. M&M live on 25 acres in the hills just outside of Kelowna. The views are breathtaking. M&M grow pear and cherry trees, strawberries, red currants and, best of all, they grow dinner!

The Hubby with cousin Michele and the Beamer in the veggie garden

The Beamer bonds with Yogi the dog who lets the Beamer pull his hair with the unwavering certainty that this is the way to True Love. The Hubby annoys both Sofie and her cousin Moses who are likely quite alarmed that this strange man is somehow related to them. Marty is a family doc and has advised one of his patients that personal and spiritual growth are only possible within the context of relationships. Exactly!

 Dinner is wild B.C. salmon, a salad of arugula and other lettuces from the garden, and chocolate raspberry cake with raspberries picked that morning from the raspberry bush. As Michele says, it is a zero mile dinner. The Hubby is very impressed by how his favourite cousin has turned into some sort of Kitchen Goddess. It almost dulls the painful memory of how she kicked his butt on the cross country ski track a few years back. He could forget completely, if only I would stop bringing it up!

Dinner on the deck chez M&M

We visit several wineries and conclude that the Okanagan wine region is an underdeveloped gem. The wines we try at Gray Monk, Summerhill, and Mission Hill are excellent and much less expensive than Napa wines. We dine on the outside terraces at both Gray Monk and Summerhill. The views of Okanagan Lake surrounded by hills on the far side and vines on the near side are stunning.

Gray Monk Winery

Peach Crisp as an Antidote to Loss

You would think, since I went on about how I was sad that the Adolescent was going to be at camp all summer, that I would not be bothered with Adolescent issues right now. But he seems to have a way of having a presence in my psyche that I can't ignore. Long story short, he came home for a week and early this morning returned to camp again. And now I'm having to feel all my sad missing him feelings all over again! Just before he left I said to him that I was going to miss him. He forced himself to look sad too. But he knew that I knew that he was faking it. He then gave that up and looked at me with a mixture of pity and disdain and said "I'm not going to miss you at all". I know this to be true but, really, just fake it! And fake it better! It's for the greater good. Has he learned nothing from me all these years?! The Daughter's been home all summer. She's been busy with work and her social life but I can see that she tries to give me a little attention and time now and then, not because of her own need but because of mine. Such a good daughter!

The Daughter and the Adolescent

I do feel bad that my children have to deal with these feelings of mine that I secretly believe if I was a better parent I would be able to resolve before there was any direct effect on them. But, on the other hand, I also believe that life is about relationships and relationships are all about Love and Loss. The Hubby has been experiencing Love and Loss at Starbucks. He has developed affection for most of the staff at our local store. He knows all their names and all their stories. They know exactly what he orders before he orders it. They give him little extras to show their appreciation. One staff recently told him that he was their best customer and this gave him a warm fuzzy feeling. But one by one the Hubby's beloved staff are all leaving Starbucks to go on to other things. The Hubby has taken each announcement in stride but each new departure makes him just a little sadder. His world is a little emptier. Love and loss...it's everywhere!

Whole wheat sourdough from Cob's - photo by the Daughter

My response to all this is to surround myself with the Love part to try and counterbalance the Loss part. And what is Love but Food?! We go out for Cuban food on Thursday night with Jon and Cathy. We go to dinner at Allison and Peter's on Friday. And tonight is dinner at our home with Mary and Mike. Mary, as you know, is a vegetarian. I'm slowly coming to realize that Food Love is still possible, even without meat!

Mary, Mike, and the Hubby

The Linguine with Uncooked Tomato, Arugula, and Olive Sauce I make is good...

Fresh tomato pasta

But the Love really shines in Peach Crisp. No fancy flavourings. Simply peaches and a crispy topping. Heaven. A taste of summer in your mouth. Sounds silly but I really did feel happier eating that dessert!

Peach Crisp with vanilla ice cream

Tomorrow morning the Daughter has requested that I make pancakes for breakfast for her and her friend Charlotte who has slept over! Yes, definitely yes! The sting from Loss is fading just a tiny bit.

Five Days in Napa

Grapes at Barnett Winery

Our little getaway, without children of any kind, has a dubious beginning. Still at the airport in Toronto, I receive a distress call from the Daughter. On her way home from dropping us at the airport she gets a speeding ticket. Her first! And under pressure to quickly produce the car's ownership papers for the police officer, her locating skills devolve to those of her father's and she can't find it, so gets a second ticket for that! Sympathy and reassurances are provided and soon we are sitting on the plane ready for our adventure to begin. And it does, in the form of spilling my Starbucks coffee on my white jeans. The only pants I have brought with me! This really is not going as I had envisioned!

The Hubby at Cakebread Winery

The Hubby is very surprised that he is getting to go to Napa and drink wine for 5 days. This is one of his favourite things to do but not something that he ever thought I'd agree to for this rare getaway. One glass of wine is my absolute limit. He recognizes this as a loving sacrifice from me and one he accepts appreciatively. I'm surprised at my selfless act too. But I guess that's just the people-pleasing self-sacrificing kind of person I am.

Our menu at Chez Panisse

We are each in our own little heaven. His in Wine, mine in Food. Every meal we have is amazing. I'm excited to be eating the food of chefs that I have been reading about for years. Alice Waters is arguably one of the first chefs to honor locally grown and sustainable eating. Her cookbook was one of the first I ever bought! Her restaurant Chez Panisse in Berkeley is our first stop and I'm beside myself with pleasure.

Dessert at Bouchon

We have lunch in Yountville at Bouchon, one of Thomas Keller's restaurants. His most famous is French Laundry. I have the cookbook but have never made anything from it as it's very high level cooking. To get a reservation at French Laundry you must call precisely at 10am two months to the day of your desired dinner date and be prepared to hit redial many times. Bouchon provides French bistro cooking. I have the Laitue salad which is simply Bibb lettuce, fresh herbs, and the house vinaigrette. Then onto roasted chicken and a side order of frites. The waiter steers me away from profiteroles for dessert and instead recommends Iles Flottantes: cloud-like meringue sitting in a vanilla creme anglaise with a salted caramel sauce poured on top.

Amuse bouche at the Restaurant at Meadowood

Dinner at the Restaurant at Meadowood is an experience. The only thing offered is the chef's tasting menu. We don't order anything. We don't even see the menu. We are at the mercy of the chef Christopher Kostow. Bring it on! 9 courses of jaw dropping creativity and artistry. There must be 5-10 elements in every dish and they all combine to exquisite perfection.

Bacon Mary

We have brunch at Redd in Yountville. The Hubby has a Bacon Mary that uses bacon-infused vodka. I have exquisite French Toast made from brioche stuffed with mascarpone mousse topped with fresh local blackberries. The dish is light but rich and is delicious!

Blackberry French Toast stuffed with mascarpone mousse

In the caves at Pride Mountain Winery

We visit 9 wineries over 3 days: Cakebread, Pride, Barnett, Chateau Montelena (watch the movie Bottleshock!), Opus One, Schramsberg Vineyards, Merryvale, Quintessa, and one more I can't remember. My strategy is to just take one taste of each wine offered. I'm proud that I'm keeping up. However on the last day we cram in 5 wineries and as we walk to the last one of the day I confide to the Hubby that I can't feel my legs. Or, more accurately, I can't feel my thighs. I have been beaten.

Avoiding mountain lions

Our hotel in St. Helena has 250 acres nestled in the mountains surrounding Napa Valley. Our room feels like a treehouse. We decide or, more accurately, I decide and the Hubby agrees, to do an early morning hike to counterbalance all the food and wine we're consuming. At the trailhead there is a sign warning us that there have been mountain lion sightings in the area. Mountain lions?!! After some debate we decide to brave it anyway. Because that's the kind of fearless adventurer I am. Off we go, climbing higher and higher. The peace I feel in nature is marred only by my certainty that there is a mountain lion lurking behind every tree. We spot a lone bench strategically placed for the most breathtaking view of the valley below. There couldn't be mountain lions where there's a very civilized bench...could there?! Halfway through our hike the Hubby proclaims that he has figured out what to do if we are attacked. Yes?! Please tell me because I do best with a plan. If a mountain lion attacks us the Hubby will grab it around its throat and choke it into submission. Seriously. The 5 minutes I spend laughing takes my mind off the imminent danger. This definitely gets added to the list of Cute Things Men Say!

Too soon it's time to go. We have enjoyed every minute of our mini vacation. We're still full and still just a tiny bit inebriated but feeling relaxed, refreshed and looking forward to Home.

The Beamer

Still, every once in a while, I'll be hit by profound sadness about the Beamer's disability. This weekend it happens as we're doing our usual walk along the retail street in our neighbourhood. The Hubby always asks "Where to?" but he doesn't have to because he knows. It's always to the other end. To the Starbucks. If the Hubby and I are doing the walk by ourselves it takes about 15 minutes each way. But when we go with the Beamer it's an outing. The Beamer walks part of the way. He doesn't quite understand the point of going in one direction, in a straight line. There are so many interesting things and people to see off to each side and even behind. Many of the store windows have his nose print on it.

On this day, the street fair has brought out all the young families. Strollers and toddlers in abundance. Cute little kids with painted faces, eating ice cream, marveling at balloon creations. Some of the kids stare at the Beamer. They know he is one of them, but not one of them. I cast my love protectively around him. I know it's irrational and completely misplaced but I feel resentment at all the happy looking families with their beautiful perfect looking children. The Hubby and I are pushing our stroller too. But instead of a perfect toddler we are pushing our beautiful imperfect 12 year old. I turn down the offer of a balloon. What's the point? The Beamer would not even notice it. We rush by face painting. The Beamer would never sit still for its application. A freezie is declined. The Beamer would not know what to do with it.

Then, almost to the Starbucks, a woman who I have never seen before speaks to me. She is compelled to tell me that she often notices the Beamer when he's on one of our walks because he always gives her the most amazing smile. I thank her. And I feel a little better. Then I remember at the beginning of our walk that a man had passed us, and as he did he turned to look at me and gave me a very familiar smile. I asked the Hubby "Who was that?" The Hubby had no idea. A little while later, a woman with a little dog came out of a store as we were passing and she also gave me a huge smile. The Hubby asked "Who was that?" I had no idea. This happens regularly when we walk with the Beamer. People we don't know, know the Beamer. The Beamer smiles at them. They smile at the Beamer. Then they smile at us. And I smile to myself.

Sibling love

The Pizza of Summer

In the garden

I'm exhausted trying to appreciate summer. Summer is usually almost gone before I've realized that it's finally here. The date this realization hits me varies from year to year but it always hits me at some point.This year it happened 3 days ago.

Fruits of summer

I wait all year for summer. I love summer. I love warm steamy nights, eating outside, iced drinks, and Ontario produce. I love the sound of flip flops and screen doors at cottages. I love sunglasses and sunscreen.

I'm committed to summer being fully appreciated.

But full appreciation takes a lot of work.

Me and the Daughter dining outside

This feeling first hits me on Thursday. That night, we go out to dinner and sit on a restaurant patio. I am happy.















Friday dawns hot and bright. I decide to be spontaneous and invite friends for dinner that night AND the next. I must be suffering from heat stroke! In my mind's eye is the beer commercial fantasy of a summer barbeque with laughing beautiful people. That's what I'm aiming for. Never mind that on this particular day in Toronto a heat record of 37C is set. It's smoking hot! Friday night I make everyone stay outside all evening. They keep glancing wistfully at the house where it is nice and cool inside. Suck it up people! What's a little sweat running down our backs? What's a few mosquito bites? It's going to be winter soon!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Saturday morning we wake up ridiculously early but I'm happy to so we can do a 60 km cycle before the heat sets in. Waking up this early on a weekend is something I would only consider doing in the summer. But of course things never usually go exactly as planned. Literally the exact moment the Hubby's foot passes over the door frame there is a crack of thunder. The Hubby takes a second step toward the beautiful summer morning waiting to be enjoyed. Another crack of thunder. Then a downpour. Seriously?! We end up at a spin class, indoors, where the sun don't shine.    

The Hubby, Mary, and Mike creating pizza

Saturday night The Vegetarian (Mary) and Mike come over. I discover that as a general rule vegetarian food is not barbeque-able. I decide to make pizzas.

Toppings for the pizza

The barbeque is out of gas and the Hubby doesn't think the pizza stone will fit in it anyway. So it's pizza made inside in the oven. The pizza stone must preheat in the oven for one hour at 550F. This is almost as bad as me wearing a sweater and having my heater on in my office during the heat wave. I buy pre-made dough. I feel authentic as I hand form it into the pizza shell. Olive oil is drizzled on the shell. Then we add combinations of Robiola, fresh mozzarella, parmesan, sliced garlic, sliced red onion, fresh arugula, basil, and oregano, and prosciutto (for the meat eaters). Sprinkle with sea salt.

The finished pie

Under the broiler for about 8 minutes and it's done. The pie is gorgeous.

Ontario berries, ice cream and Chocolate Chip Cookies for dessert. The Hubby is unduly impressed that I can create chocolate chip cookies, just like that, in the time it takes him to get a couple of forgotten items at the store.

It's the end of the weekend. Thank goodness! I'm exhausted. The Hubby complains that my pile of unread magazines is getting higher and higher and threatens to qualify me for hoarder status. I don't have time to read, I'm too busy trying to eat outside!

I have successfully maximized summer this weekend. I am appreciative.