The Thing About Mid Life Crises

Sabina and me - Rome, Aug 2009

Dear Sabina,

You are going through a thing and I just want you to know that you are not alone.

Sabina, Susan, me and Sarah in Algonquin Park Sept 2008

In my experience there are a few things one can do in the face of this kind of thing. One effective response is doing something that takes you totally out of your comfort zone, challenges you, where you can take nothing for granted. It reaffirms that you are indeed still alive and vital. You will remember wilderness camping a few years ago to help me through my thing? Me. Wilderness camping! I obviously was not in my proper frame of mind. But there you were, along with Sarah and Susan and the Daughter, to witness my insanity. I am here to witness yours.

Lunch at Sabina's family's apt in Rome Aug 2009

There's a scene from the movie Moonstruck that I love. A woman, played by Olympia Dukakis, is trying to understand why her husband of 40+ years is having an affair with another woman. After spending the whole movie talking to people, trying to understand, she finally gets it. She shares her new found wisdom with him and yells: "You're going to die anyway!" YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ANYWAY. No matter what we do, have an affair, buy a penis car, get a facelift, go wilderness camping, we're going to die anyway.

BFFs in Picton Sept 2009

An essential part of accepting that we're going to die anyway is to acknowledge the loss. The loss of youth, the narrowing of possibility, saying good bye to all the stages we've outgrown (or been pushed out of), even if we're not quite ready yet to let them go.


An appreciation of the good stuff is perhaps a cliche but still helpful to put things in perspective. In case you miss any in a mid life accounting I can point out a few. You are the one who can stop us in our tracks while hiking in Algonquin Park, sniff the air, and then ominously proclaim that you "smell bear". You are the one who after every Friday afternoon tea would go home to cook a full 3 course meal for your family while the rest of us ordered in pizza or opened a can of soup for ours. You can source out a sidewalk pizzeria in a non-touristy area of Rome and share it with your friend who will always remember it as the best pizza (bresaola and arugula) she's ever eaten. You have been a most devoted daughter.

Sarah and Sabina - Sun Salutations - Algonquin Park 2008

You have been the Supreme Nurturer for a good many years now. Many people have benefited from your skill at taking care of others, including me. Now perhaps it's time to push a little at the boundaries of comfort. The rest of mid life beckons!


 Love, Gastronome